Mother for a day
by nici's anatomy
Summary: Taking care of a little boy is harder than Jenny had expected - especially when her self-consciousness starts getting into her way ... Episode tag for 5.09 "Lost and Found"


**TITLE:** Mother for a day**  
AUTHOR:** nicis_anatomy**  
CHARACTER: **Jenny Shepard, Carson Taylor**  
GENRE: **Gen, General, Episode tag for 5.09 "Lost and Found"**  
RATING: **PG**  
WORD COUNT: **1,000**  
SUMMARY: **Taking care of a little boy is harder than Jenny had expected - especially when her self-consciousness starts getting into her way ... Written for day #03 "Simpsons" for lj's ncisdaily and challenge #35 Lyrics for for lj's ncis1000words**  
WARNINGS: **English still isn't my native language (although I wish) and the story is not beta'd**  
DISCLAIMER: **I don't own these characters (although I'd love to own Action Figure Gibbs), nor am I making any money from them. If I would Season 5 would have ended different.

_Trying to keep up with you  
And I don't know if I can do it  
(REM "Losing my religion")_

~*~*~*~*

Jenny still couldn't believe what was happening tonight.  
What was she thinking earlier in her office? Taking a young boy home with her, to a house that she hardly lived in herself was just insane ... She had none of the food kids usually liked, nothing for breakfast - except for coffee - and no candy, juice or milk at all. And still she'd offered to take care of Carson.  
Handing him over to social services had never been an option for her - even if it hadn't been a Friday night. She could still remember the last time they'd let them take care of a child that had been involved in one of their cases. Poor little Zach had almost been abducted, if it hadn't been for Jethro … No, this time, it had been clear right from the beginning that calling social services wasn't an option. She'd known this and Jethro had known it, too. But why he'd anticipated that she would offer to take Carson home was still a mystery to Jenny. She hadn't even known it herself, until the words had left her mouth. She hadn't really thought about it; her heart had made the decision, overruling her mind, and it still scared Jenny that this had happened.  
Her mind had always been the one making all decision, and although she'd sometimes wished for having listened to her heart, in the end she'd lived good that way, and she had no idea why this had started to change lately. It scared her. Emotions were something she had no control of. Emotions had caused her (and the people next to her) a lot of suffering and pain; things she'd had enough of for the rest of her life.  
And still she'd done it again, was doing it again: Causing someone else's suffering by letting her heart decide.  
Her guest wasn't dead (yet) and he wasn't starving or in pain, but still … The combination of pizza and TV wasn't of high educational value.

Carson had been happy with it, though, and Jenny even joined him in front of the TV, although she hardly ever watch anything other than the news.  
For a while it had felt good and she'd actually managed to relax a bit and enjoy the company on what otherwise would've turned out to be just another lonely Friday night.  
She wasn't alone, had company instead. She'd even managed to leave the office at a reasonable time and she'd had a decent dinner - if you would call Pizza decent food for someone working long hours and eating meals she could squeeze in between two meeting, without bothering, if these meals provided the necessary amount of vitamins she needed to stay healthy. She had tried to live healthy, quite coffee, eat more green things or fruits, but it had never lasted longer than two days and then she'd just given up trying to. She couldn't stand failure. It disappointed her and made her cranky; and both things were even less healthy than the pizza she and Carson had shared.  
Jenny knew, she should've tried to get him something different - at least that would've been the advise her mother would have had for her, if she'd known Jenny was babysitting a young boy. For that reason alone Jenny was glad that Violet wasn't here, but with each passing hour, her desperation grew and she felt like a bad mother already. She couldn't help but thinking that her ambition to have a career instead of having own children was actually mother nature protecting the world and the potential children from another bad parent. Jenny just know, she would have failed - one way or another. If not with providing unhealthy food that would harm her children in long-term, then with feeling helpless and making mistakes with everything she tried to do good.  
It had started with letting Carson decide what he wanted to have for dinner and had continued the whole evening by allowing him to watch TV, instead of focusing on homework or getting him to bed early.

She had even joined him to watch "The Simpson" - one of Carson's favorite shows - but Jenny was having a hard time trying to figure out, what made this cartoon so special. There was this overweight dumb father, a mother with an insane haircut and three spoiled children; one boy named Bart, his highly intelligent sister Lisa and baby Maggie. The baby was somehow cute and Jenny actually liked her, but the rest … she just couldn't see why this show was so special, and she couldn't even laugh about the jokes like Carson did almost the whole time.  
Jenny had tried to get excited, she really did, but in the end, she just shook her head, giving up. Failing - again.

"I think I will leave you alone with this, Carson," she said, her eyes still fixed on the TV where a new character had just appeared, who looked a bit like Fornell, and when Jenny hadn't decided to leave before, this character definitely made her decision easy. She had nothing against Fornell, and he was actually fun to work with (sometimes), but she didn't like him enough to could enjoy his presence after work. Enough was enough.  
"Do you need anything?"  
"No, I'm good, Ma'am," Carson answered, and when Jenny raised an eyebrow, reminding him quietly that she'd asked him not to call her ma'am, he added, "Thank you, Jenny."  
She smiled. "I'll be upstairs. Just call me, when you need anything," she said and left the living room.

Slowly, Jenny crossed the hallway, still disturbed by the cartoon-Fornell, overwhelmed by her temporary house guest and insecure about how she could manage not to harm Carson with her inability to take care of anyone, she absentmindedly placed her cellphone on the small table in the hallway, not knowing that this would somehow save her life later - or at least, arrange for someone to be there in time, when she needed to get Carson into bed.

**- The End -**


End file.
